Saturday, December 6, 2008

Rehab: day 3

This afternoon we went on what they call a 'spirit journey'. It was a short hike around the hills in zero degree weather. It was really an excuse to walk to the coffee shop, where my counselor could get her 50% off coffee for the day. It took two miles of walking to get an Americano for $1.25. Then we all sat around the fireplace and talked about our lives before they became trainwrecks and how we could move forward out of denial and into acceptance. Tomorrow we will do team building exercises. I think it will include a relay race around town with a group scavenger hunt and prizes! I want to win because I like winning. I haven't really been social, there are some nice people in my program but they don't seem very talkative.

I snuck a picture of some of them while we took our walk.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

It was a long trip, but I made it.

Omg it was a long trip.

My plan backfired. I tried to get out of going to rehab by hiding in the garbage. It was a pretty good setup actually. I got all the tasty tidbits, I learned that people waste a lot of tasty tidbits.

I was discovered when my roommates opened the garage to take out the garbage. They're slobs and take out the garbage maybe once every month so I thought I would be safe for at least three weeks.

I was wrong.

When they found me two weeks later I thought I had finally evaded my responsibility. But no they said I still had to go and instead of taking the airplane I had to hitch a ride with some people they found on craigslist. They were nice enough, they let me eat tater tots during the ride, but it was like a crazy person lived in the van. They let me hitch a ride, I was greatful.


I am so tired now. I can't eventype. I promise to write more about this rehab business. It is weird. that is all I can say.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

We Got Perms and We Loved Them

I am embarrassed that I haven't been posting for a while now. I have a good reason though! My grandma came to visit last week and it was so so fun. We did so many grandma things like get our hair done together and drink lemon tea. We also went sweet breads shopping and ate sponge cakes.

Yesterday we got perms together at the local Asian Salon. I also lightened my color a bit because everyone knows blonds have more fun! I have been wanting a perm for so long and all of my friends were sick of me talking about this perm. They told me I was all talk and no perm so that was the last straw. I mainly got this perm to flip all of them off. I am ALL perm and all talk.

Grandma and I played dress up too. We wore the same outfits the entire time she was visiting. She even taught me how to sew. Here I am showing off a toy I made. I embroidered "Zoe" on it. It doesn't say Zoo or Zee on it, it says Zoe.

Here are pictures of me after my perm. Grandma took me to get glamour shots afterward. My favorite one has to be where I am posed inside a Thomas Kinkade painting! He truly is a painter of light.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

No More Words to Say

Today someone told me my breath smelled like poison gas slowly seeping from the bowels of a two week old corpse. I am offended, deeply and morally. Psychologically even. Who does she think she is? I'm not perfect, no one is. She thinks that just because she makes more money then me she can treat me this way? My girl Oprah would say that's rude.
Take the Rudeness Test

And you know what:


I'm going to take a long hot shower now.

Nice to meet Tuffy

I would like you all to meet my friend Tuffy. He has been my friend since the beginning, so I have allowed him to be a guest blogger on my website. Don't worry, he's the best. Here are some pictures of us posing for my photo shoot. We were wearing matching peacoats! I was very excited but Tuffy complained that the jackets were too feminine. I felt kind of bad so after the day's work was done we went to the mall where we got our matching books autographed by Lynne Spears.

Homage to Rachel Ray

I was bored this morning so I decided to try out a new recipe. I thought of it myself!

Everyone Likes Popsicles:

1 Ikea popsicle mold
Mango Nectar
A handful of frozen blueberries
Chicken stock, to taste
Blue and Red food coloring makes Purple!

Pour your mixture into the popsicle mold. Freeze it.

Tell me how it goes and I'll tell you how it goes xoxo Zoebee

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


I am going to rehab, as promised, at the end of this month. I will not disclose where for the privacy of my family but also for the privacy of my future fellow rehabmates. I just really like gossip. Usually via text message. All I will say is that this place is going to be near a lot of A, B, and C list celebrities and I will befriend them, or at least wave to them whenever we make eye contact and I will then pretend that we are more than good friends.

There will also be no way to escape. The closest Petsmart is two and a half hours away. I checked the rules on their website and they're going to take away my cell phone -no more texts :-( -and all of my credit cards. .......


They also believe that working in the service industry, specifically in food service or hotel hospitality, is the first step to becoming a respected friend member of society. What am I going to do??! I can't read these rules anymore. I'm going to play my Nintendo DS now.

Not Afraid to Show It

I guess you have to deal with the paparazzi when you are a celebrity. They caught me this morning at six o three. I am posting this picture because I have nothing to hide. I am beautiful regardless of what time of day it is. Here's to all of the ladies out there who don't wear makeup to sleep. Here's to all of the loafer girls and stay at home moms with quintuplets. We are not afraid of living life, facing dreams and eating iced creams.

Monday, November 10, 2008


It's Halloween, It's Halloween, the moon is full and bright! And we shall see what can't be seen on any other night.

Halloween is great. Remember Edward Gorey and his Halloween illustrations? I think maybe they were just Gothic, and year round. But nonetheless, he is a marvelous writer with superb cartoons. Sometimes I think my costume should be scary, memento mori almost, but this year I decided to be a juicy pumpkin. I have posted some previous years' costumes. Please note Batman: he was the protector of Gotham City. Later that night I changed into my Joker costume. People loved that little switcheroo at work. They thought it was ironic.

Hello World

Hi, to whoever is reading this blog. My name is Zoe. My doctor told me I should write more as therapy. So here goes. After my near death experience, I did a lot of thinking. I wasn't at a low point in my life or anything, just curious. I guess someone forgot to show me the memo that said, "curiosity killed the cat". It probably would have been a good thing to know when the delicious aromas of dark chocolate filled my nose. No one was home so I decided to help myself to the gently closed bag of Dark Chocolate Milano cookies. I sampled one and I was hooked. There were three left, I figured they were going to get stale anyway. When my roommates got home there was some scolding, I'll admit that. I didn't think it was a big deal, I told them I would replace them with three more (and then keep the rest of the bag for myself). Cool it down. They said it wasn't the point, it was the principle of the situation. Whatevs.

The next week was a blur to me. Apparently I was delirious and made my roommates uncomfortable. I may or may not have said some mean things. I may or may not have thrown up on someone's new rug/shoe/blanket/bed/carpet/jacket. Whatever happened that night has been resolved. There was a heart to heart confrontation and I have agreed to enter a rehabilitation program out of state.

I don't remember much anything that happened at the hospital. I was driven there against my will and given a full blood transfusion. I might have gotten my stomach pumped too. There are still some lingering questions I have about that night. Who agreed to this blood transfusion and whose blood did I get anyway? Sometimes I wake up at night and feel like I'm not myself. I have some theories, which I will keep you posted on later. But for now, on to something cooler- I've started my own dog apparel company! My love for fashion is now slowly becoming a lifestyle. The website is almost up, I'll post that later too.

Thanks for reading, I feel a million times better right now!

<3 Zoebert